Blue Sky Collapse

Today is my mom's birthday, she was 50 if I recall correctly. Feel free to use that information to hack me anyway.

I don't pray much, only about health; safety, and wealth. I was the first child, even though my old was 23, on her eyes I'm still her little children.

On the Whatsapp conversation, I sent my prayer and told her that someone I love sent greetings too. Due of this pandemic, communication is only happening online.

And the conversation continued with my story with her, about past; present, and future.

Bandung is sunny today, I love this weather.

Walking around in this weather is a waste to miss, I guess.

While I walk, I feel like it is cloudy when it's not. There is something I afraid about whenever it gets cloudy. But for today, I don't know what to think and feel.

Probably I know, but I don't want to accept it.

Now I'm sitting on my chair, the clock tell me it is 11.24 PM.

There is a lot that comes to my mind, life; work, family, love, friend, the past, the present, the future.

For a long time there was something that I was afraid of.

And unfortunately, it always happens.

That's why I never want to be afraid of anything I can control, because it will happen.

So today, in my dark room, I feel like I'm missing something from what I got, it is one of my future. Is it life; work, family, love or friend, only I know and feel.

Or maybe I'm just too exhausted?

Please tell me if this isn't real, just something living in my head for something that never happened.

Please tell me that I'm sleeping and it is time to wake up because today is my mom's birthday and I need to go fucking work.

I slapped my cheek, and it hurt.

I'm not dreaming.

I opened my Apple Music, I don't know but I chose to listen to Blue Sky Collapse by Adhitia Sofyan.

I can't imagine how tomorrow will be, I hope I'm still given the opportunity to see tomorrow.

I still believe that I'm just too exhausted.

I will take a break maybe for the next 3-7 days from any internet communication.

And while you're here, here are the lyrics of the Blue Sky collapse I've picked up from Musixmatch and Youtube—for embedding purposes—that I've been listening to about 3x as long as I write this.

As I walk to the end of the line
I wonder if I should look back
To all of the things that were said and done
I think we should talk it over

Then I notice the sign on your back
It boldly says try to look away
I go on pretending I'll be okay
This morning it hits me hard that

Still everyday I think about you
I know for a fact that's not your problem
But if you change your mind you'll find me
Hanging on to the place
Where the big blue sky collapse

As I stare at the walls in this room
The cracks they resemble your shadow
When everyday I see time goes by
In my head everything stood still

I'm waiting for things to unfreeze
Till you release me from the ice block
It's been floating for ages, washed up by the sea
And it's drowning, thought you should know that

Still everyday I think about you
I know for a fact that's not your problem
But if you change your mind you'll find me
Hanging on to the place
Where the big blue sky collapse

You see people are trying
To find their way back home
So I'll find my way to you

Still everyday I think about you
I know for a fact that's not your problem
But if you change your mind you'll find me
Hanging on to the place
Where the big blue sky

Still everyday I think about you
I know for a fact that's not your problem
But if you change your mind you'll find me
Hanging on to the place
Where the big blue sky collapse