Today I wake up with an empty morning.
No Whatsapp notification. No Telegram notification. No email notification.
Reminders® told me that I have a plan named Solat Jumat because I always missed it.
And Bandung today is bright as expected, so I'm drying my skin as usual while thinking about what I did last night.
It's hard to believe that last night was real even I'm in sober.
Today is a tough day, my soul feels empty.
But thank god, it's Friday.
I can use this weekend to spend my me time and to forgive anyone.
I promise I won't drink alcohol just to escape reality. Alcohol is for happiness, not the reverse.
I faced it as usual I faced problems.
I believe everyone deserves better, of their own choices.
So here I am, writing 3 shit in English just to reflect how lost I am.
This is the first big loss of my life, I don't even know it really that hurt.
I couldn't see her eyes one last time, and I don't know whether that's a good thing or vice versa.
And after all, life will always go on.
But for now, I'm still stuck on January 17, 2020.
When life is at its best.
I needed to take a little break, and deleting Telegram on the phone was the first thing I did as almost all of my communication happened there, because I use Whatsapp only for office needs and communicate with my family; friend, and my loving one, until recently.
However I can't see Bandung as same as yesterday anymore, I don't know maybe I should consider moving from this city?
Lots of beautiful-but-simple things happened here, and I can't seem to make peace with it, including the Starbucks DU which I often visit; Jalan Dipatiukur that I often pass, Upnormal Sumur that I often choose to get my work done, and this simple house where I live.
My brain seemed to stop working; my chest feels tight, and my eyes felt like something was down.
So I told my mom that I was good, I know it's a lie.
And I'm pretty sure she knows that.
Like most of us, we don't want to make people worry, let alone disappointed.
My mom believes I can deal with the problems I face, and for now I don't need her help because she doesn't know anything about it as I know it.
And we both agreed, without any further question.
Anyway, I hope you are all good and have a great weekend!
...And until now I still believe that I'm just dreaming.